Mania and the Hopeful Celestial



It's like sleeping if she closes her eyes for long enough. The passage of time is faster, even. But the limbo is muddled by her constant compulsion to think. No way to turn that off, not without that human sleeping or dying.

Maddie's interruptions are different, though. The pale light of the halo has returned, so Mania stretches her back as far as she can and opens her eyes.

"Hello again. How's the Nasdaq this time?"

Maddie strides into the room, holding a small device in one hand and a folding chair under the other. The device is marked by a logo of a circular door and reads "Interstice" in faded letters. She sets out the chair next to Mania, and presses a button on the device. A cheery non-lyrical song plays as she sits next to Mania.

"It's been alright up there. There hasn't been a war recently so work has been pretty slow as of late. Which means I get more time to hang out with you!"

She offers Mania a bottle of refreshingly cold juice.

"Want a drink? I'm sure you're probably thirsty, being down here so long. How's it been?"

"I've been better."

Mania nods her head, and she sips from the juice. Maybe it tastes like something this time—somewhere between braking fluid and rubbing alcohol. But it's something cold in this infernal place.

"You know how the mind wanders, Maddie. I found myself thinking about you. Turns out I stop feeling horny from this curse if I think about you for long enough. Not even a damn headache. Will say though, verdict's still loose on why I don't need to walk on the ceiling anymore for my other curse... That never happened at all since I got chained here. Maybe lousy Gideon spared me that shit."

"I'm not sure if I should feel loved or offended that you stop being horny when you think about me. But I'm glad to hear the pain isn't so excruciating."

Maddie sees Mania wince at the taste of the drink, and instead offers her some cold water.

"I don't think Gideon is ill intentioned. They simply had to punish you. I think this may end up being a blessing rather than a punishment when it's all over, though."

She drinks the water until there's none left.

"Just tell me you love me and be done with it. You wouldn't even be the first. Fucking fat cats try to flirt their way down to my office all the time, remember? No thanks. Nobody in the damn world could even afford the wedding ring I'd expect."

She laughs.

"Anyway, this punishment is boring me out of my mind, and I had a little, savvy idea. What do I need to do to get accepted by the Pearly Gates today?"

"Well... you pretty much need to let go of the things that made you get to hell in the first place. Your greed, your selfishness, things that. I know you're making progress but I really don't think you're there yet. Did you have something in mind?"

Maddie pulls out another water bottle, offering it to Mania again.

"And yes, I do love you. I'm sure I could get you a wonderful wedding ring, if you really want it."

Mania exhales through half of her mouth. She smiles.

"That's the problem—you think I'm selfish and greedy, and you're right. I don't suppose there's instead just like a checklist of things I could do to be taken up, Secretary? The humans call it community service. Well, your kind probably created it, but I'm just saying you should take me to Heaven and I'll do it. I'll even marry you there since you ache for it so bad. Deal? Who's changing their last name?"

"I... really don't think that'll work. Filling out a checklist is rather disingenuous. You can't just check a bunch of boxes and be done with it."

Maddie sips the juice, as it tastes fine for her.

"And I don't know if we've known each other long enough for that. Maybe we can give it another fifty years or so."

"I'm business, smartass. Filling boxes is all over my résumé. Come on. Isn't a few centuries enough for you?"

She faces the dingy radio. It's childish.

"Fine. That's all I had to tell you since last time. Bring me something classier to listen to next time and a change of clothes."

"Aw. I thought you'd like it. Also, you seem to be the one desperate to marry me."

Maddie chuckles a little.

"Sure. Do you want a whole phonograph or something? I don't really know your music taste too well."

"Wishful thinking. Optimistic. Yeah, let's try a vinyl next time. How about rock 'n' roll? Haven't heard it in ages. I like acoustics before the twenty-first century, got that? Anything else trivial you'd like to know? My favorite movie?"

"Where did all this come from? You never really shared your interests this openly before, even though we've known each other for what, two hundred years? And sure, I can bring you some rock 'n' roll.

Maddie finishes the juice, and puts the empty bottle into her purse.

"I suppose this is a bit like rolling a rock up a hill, hehe. I should check on Sisyphus sometime; he runs a workout place in Heaven where you can roll boulders."

"You're overreacting. You didn't want to talk about the stock market, so what the Hell else am I supposed to do?"

She rolls her eyes at the anecdote.

"Get the best tailor for me that you can find. Make them design me a red dress. Suits are too stuffy for this fucking cave."

"I suppose I can get you a dress. How do you want it cut? What style? You can't just ask for a dress, there's more to it than that! I want to make sure you're happy with it!"

Maddie pulls out a notepad and stares expectantly at Mania, ready for a description.

"I know an old soul who loves sewing and tailoring. They loved it in life and have only improved over the centuries!"

"Oh, come on, we have to go with a maxi. Make it a darker red—I don't want to look gaudy. Don't let me blend into the cave either, though. Finest material they got... What am I kidding, of course it'd be the finest material. They've got fucking everything there."

She licks her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"You'll have to help me change my clothes, obviously. Stupid restraints. Make sure it can go on me like this. Anything else you need to know?"

"Well, I'll be happy to help you change. I don't think there's a whole lot else. Please just hang on tight a little longer; I'm trying my best here. I'll see you soon!"

She puts the notepad away and gives Mania a kiss on the cheek, before walking out of the chamber.

--------------------

The hourglass spills all its contents to the bottom. Theo sips from a dramatic mug of cranberry juice, and he slips five cards from the top of the draw pile. And Brian resets the hourglass.

Theo says, "Maddie, do not fret and cower. Thy situation is unusual, certainly. However, all come to their senses."

Harlow, a much younger Savior than either Theo or Maddie, smiles. He always smiles. During his Assumer's mortal life, he was an imaginary friend. He plays with two six-sided die in his hand like stress balls.

"Yep. We'll all laugh about it a few thousand years from now."

"I guess... I'm just worried, you know? I'm relatively young for an angel. I've never had to deal with something like this. My natural urge is to help her as best I can, but I feel like I can't do that."

Maddie sits across from her teammate, Harlow. Likewise, Theo and Brian sit across from each other. Maddie stares at her hand of cards, her mind clearly wandering to Mania rather than the game at hand.

"Do any of you even know anything about Gideon? They were a bit... odd, if I'm being honest.

"I hear you for sure. Mania is definitely proving to be a bit on the more tedious end of your duties. Like, has this process ever taken longer for an Assumer?"

Brian then places three fingers over his mouth and eyes his Savior. Theo discards three cards to his left. It's now Maddie's turn.

"Listen to thy natural duty. Your demeanor has shifted, somehow... Have you met Gideon? They are ancient and kind, in rumor. Is this true?"

"Wow, more ancient than you?"

"Prithee, Brian."

"You mentioned she's chained up, Maddie?" Harlow interrupts. "That's cool. What's your strategy lately?"

"Well, I mostly just go down and hang out with her a while. Just giving her someone to talk to so she doesn't go crazy from boredom."

Maddie plays the two of clubs, leading the trick. She rolls a die, determining who goes next. It lands on Brian.

"I don't really think there's a lot I can do to make this faster. I guess I just wait until she's finished her sentence."

"What would happen if she went crazy? When crazy people go crazy, does it cancel out?"

Brian reshuffles the deck and shakes his head.

"That wouldn't be an option, Harlow."

"It's just a hypothetical. Oh, I know, what if you surprised her? She could use a happy surprise. Maybe she'll relax her guard and then you could strike!"

Brian mulls over his pathetic hand. Theo dabs his lips stained by juice with a napkin.

"Surprising old demons is arduous," He says. "Yet, alternative methods of 'best help' may be necessary. Her era of imprisonment may also be—convenient, albeit of Gideon's work. Use thy present time wisely."

"So do I just ignore her for the time being? That doesn't seem right."

Maddie tosses a die to Harlow, who catches it easily.

"Should I bring her something? I've been bringing her cold things to drink. Maybe like, a TV or something would help. I don't know."

Brian says, "Take it from me, Maddie, that some of us mortals need tough love to get out of our deepest pits of ignorance and despair. That's what Theo is trying to sugarcoat to you."

He spreads most of his cards onto the table, open face.

"Hey, so why can't she let her go crazy like I said too?"

Harlow and his chair float up, and he crosses his arms. Brian clutches his chest and laughs.

"Your generation are something, man."

"I don't want to be mean to her. That would be... well, mean."

Maddie plays a card and then discards a card from her hand.

"Should I just ignore her for a while? At that point, should I just stop visiting her entirely?"

Theo and Brian exchange a silent smile.

"Familiar with playing 'hard to get,' Maddie?"

"I could teach her this trick. If thou need, dutiful feline."

Harlow lowers to the floor again as he drops the die onto the table.

"You have to make it obvious you're ignoring her if you're going to do that, so visit her and then ignore her! Human psychology is so adorable. They're all like children."

He receives a glare from a nearby table. He slumps into his yellow sports jersey.

"I'm just used to children..."

"So I just go there and do nothing? Do I do something like... this?"

Maddie pouts and looks away, crossing her arms. Her tail betrays her looks, still waving about in a cute and friendly manner.

"I've worked with plenty of children and they're definitely nothing like Mania."

"Much to adore. Stay strong in her presence."

Brian stands up and moves to behind Maddie. He holds the hourglass as if he is the David of Michelangelo.

"Ah. How about this: you could look bored. It is a tedious obligation to join her, at least that's what Mania used to assume, is it not...? Unrelated, but I will order fried and battered pickles since I'm up if anyone wants to share."

"I guess I just have a pretty hard time not paying attention to her. Although you all probably know that by know. It's been a while since I last visited her, so I suppose I should go down and check on her soon. I'll try this out next time I go down, then."

Maddie sets down her cards, seeing that the game is over. She turns around and looks at Brian.

"Can you get a couple of pastries too? I kinda want something sweet. Maybe something lemony or chocolatey."

"You always do like the sweet stuff."

Brian plops the hourglass in front of Maddie and then attends the service counter. Theo leans forward on the table and packs up the pieces of the game. The white sand trickles down.

--------------------

Mania's commissioned red dress ripples as the hot air rises and the less hot air falls. She yawns.

"Hey. Turn that thing on again."

The record player would always stop sometime during Maddie's absences. Mania's eyes haven't been open for weeks. She almost managed to disassociate from the starvation and the burning sensation on her skin.

"Did you check my email? What are those damn imps doing?"

Maddie turns on the record player, a song pouring forth from it and filling the room.

"Yeah, I glanced at your email. A lot of people have been trying to contact you. None of the ones I saw last time, probably because it's been so long since I checked it."

Maddie reaches down and pulls several thumbtacks out of the bottom of her shoe.

"The imps have been as mischievous as always. They left me some improvised caltrops last time I visited. I wonder if they know they can't actually hurt me. How's it been down here?"

"My damn business is going underwater, that's for sure. Maybe those dweebs next time will improvise something actually valuable."

She licks her teeth.

"The same. It's always the same. Sure you can't free me? Come on. I'll owe you a favor. No way you'd continue to just backstab me, right? Not after all we've been through?"

Maddie pulls a recliner from the ether before laying down on it.

"Nah. I think you'll be fine. Why would I even need to free you? Can't you wait around a bit longer?"

She crosses her legs, tipping her halo down over her face like the brim of a hat.

It's hardly been a few years and yet the demoness can hardly stomach the idea of waiting any longer.

"Would it kill you to treat me with some respect for once? I'm being punished for no reason. Do you even give a fuck anymore?"

Is this true powerlessness? She writhes in pain.

"—Why do I even try to reason with you? You just want to destroy me. I miss when I didn't know you at all."

Maddie seemingly ignores her, pulling out a phone and tapping the screen disinterestedly.

"If I wanted to destroy you I could have done it in an instant. I'm a divine being and you're a mortal. Go back to whining in your chains.

Maddie seems to put the phone in such a way that her face is obscured, hiding her saddened frown.

"I'm always going to live forever... I'm IMMORTAL, you entitled bitch!"

She then screams out into the cavern until her voice breaks up. Her head clears of its horrible noise throughout, and her nose twitches.

She drones on, lowly, "What did I do to deserve this? I'm fucking capitalism. I'm too important for this. Why does nobody care? What's going to happen to the world without me?"

"Nothing. Nothing will happen if you're gone. The world will move on."

Maddie simply sits in silence, then turns and walks away. She vanishes around the corner, sobbing silently.

"What—come back here right now this instant! Where are you going? You just got here!"

Mania finally opens her eyes only to see the angel's shadow disappear from the cave wall. There's just an empty recliner and "Summertime" by George Gershwin now.


Continue...


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