Mania and the Hopeful Celestial

High above the shining white streets of a bustling city awash with golden heavenly sunlight, a woman steps off of the elevator to the sixteenth floor of a skyscraper, one with pale blue windows and made from white bricks lined with gilded carvings. It's immediately apparent that this is no human soul: this is an angel. Her pure white hair has a halo atop it, floating above a pair of similarly white cat ears. Behind her, four feathery wings are currently folded in, and a two-tipped white cat tail waves behind her. Her outfit consists of pale blue office wear, with a dark skirt and a glowing ID in her shirt pocket. She fumbles for a moment, and pulls out the ID as she steps up to a large desk that faces away from the glass wall of the room, where an angelic woman with four arms sits at a chair, with papers and a computer in front of her. She looks up to see who entered the room, a pair of glasses in front of two glowing golden eyes. The cat-angel presents her ID, and speaks.

"Hello, it's Maddie, as requested. I assume I'll be given the details as to why I was called up here today?"

With a mixture of excitement and confusion, Maddie takes the paper, holding it carefully as if it was a winning lottery ticket.

"Thank you, Archangel. I'll be on my way to meet her as soon as possible. Is there anything else needed of me?"

Maddie fidgets with her tie, clearly resisting the urge to bolt and head to the Mortal Plane as soon as possible. She is curious as to why her human has been around for so long and why it is so time sensitive, and burns with the desire to find out.

Maddie nods and turns back, heading into the elevator. As she goes down, in a flash of golden light, her halo and wings disappear, and her outfit is changed to a pair of jeans, with a light gray t-shirt with the logo of a popular human band on it. A leather purse is slung over her shoulder, and she wears a silver bracelet. Her cat ears and tail, unlike her wings, remain. She takes a brief walk down the street, arriving at a train station. She boards a train bound for a city in the Mortal Realm. The train, seemingly normal at first, takes a ninety-degree plunge downwards, although to passengers, no turbulence is felt. About twenty minutes later, the train phases into a station in the Mortal Realm, although human onlookers act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Maddie steps out, and begins walking towards the listed address.

Both excited and nervous, Maddie slowly makes her way to her Assumer, immediately curious as to why such a normal looking human would be hundreds of years old. She cautiously makes her way over, waiting for the woman to finish her verbal assault upon the man.

Maddie walks up next to her Assumer, nervously trying to get her attention.

"H-hi. Ma'am, can I speak to you for a moment? It's quite important. Sorry if I'm interrupting something. But it's very important."

Maddie fidgets a bit, her tail waving nervously as she awaits a response from the highly attractive woman.

The portly man faces Maddie first, and he says something gentle and confused in Chinese. The woman says something else in Chinese to him with a bile forming in her throat, and then she faces the catgirl to spout perfect English.

"Get the hell out of here."

She digs out of her purse a business card and shoves it into Maddie's chest. The card reads, "Maria Flecheloo. Venture Capitalist, CEO of Ulterior Inc." It's then followed by the string "1-666-1776."

And Maria has already resumed talking to the man, this time putting her fork down and speaking his language in a lower voice. She's eaten nothing from her expensive plate. And apparently cat ears don't interest her.

Maddie turns to the man, and her eyes momentarily shift from a deep brown to a shining golden color.

"You're welcome to leave now. Please, child, do so."

The man, although seemingly not able to understand English, somehow perfectly interprets this, then turns around and walks away. Maddie turns back to look at 'Maria.'

"Okay, Now that that's dealt with, we. Need. To. Talk."

All shyness is gone from Maddie's voice, replaced now with a slight frustration at being pushed away by the woman. Angels weren't used to having people act so rude to them.

Maria stands up abruptly from her chair and glares at the man walking away, and she yells after him probably some heinous threats. Then, she finally maintains her attention, undivided, to the angel. She also grabs Maddie's wrist.

"You scared my fucking client away! Who do you think you are? The only 'child' here is you—just tell me what your damn reason is. You want my services? Are you a humanitarian? Are you stupid?"

She smiles and then frowns and then smiles again. She walks with Maddie out of the restaurant and into the lively street, not interested in leaving this place with nothing having been accomplished.

Maddie turns to the woman, her tail waving back and forth in annoyance.

"Okay, you're going to tell me who the hell you are, and why you've been alive for over two hundred years. You're supposed to be long dead. Humans don't live that long."

Maddie glares at her, her white ears twitching.

"As you can clearly see, I'm not a normal person. And also what the hell is up with your phone number? That's not standard formatting for any region of the world."

"Oh, you definitely have me mistaken for somebody else. Perhaps my mother, or my grandmother, who shared my company and likeness."

She twists Maddie's wrist slightly. She refuses to glare into her eyes now.

"I'm wealthy, idiot. I can maintain a unique phone number. Anything else you're going to waste my time with? I don't care that you are a cat, if that's what this is about."

She pauses, and then lies, "Oh, I know. Tell me what you want and who you are, and then I'll tell you who I am."

Maddie's eyes again flicker for a moment, turning golden for a second, and then red for a nearly imperceptibly short moment.

"Yeah, you're not old, and I'm Walter Hartwell White. I can tell you're lying, you know. You've been around for centuries. Also, on the phone thing. There's still systems in place to keep phone numbers standardized. You can't just pay your way into that. Trust me, I know a lot about administrative work. It doesn't work like that."

Maddie takes a deep breath and stares at Mania, slightly calmer now.

"Look, I was supposed to meet up with you and figure out more about you. Why are you hiding everything from me like this? And lying through your teeth?"

Mania does see Maddie's eyes change color, despite herself. She takes them toward the nearest set of office buildings. She pulls harder and walks faster.

"Are you trying to threaten me? You aren't the first person to try and find out the truth about me, you know. And yet I tell people all the time. You see, when I tell people, that's not something to be happy about. It means you're going to agonize and die, and maybe you'll even suffer forever afterwards too. I'm more pissed off that you fucked up my meeting with my client."

She stretches her back, and she then clutches both of Maddie's shoulders. They keep walking.

"So, what are you, a magical forest elf? An oracle? Just a living lie detector? Are you really that sure that you want to keep this up with me?"

Maddie chuckles at the mention of "dying" and "suffering forever." The very idea that such a mortal consequence could happen to her is amusing.

"Honestly, I could ask the same of you. You probably aren't human anymore, even if you were at some point. You'd be long dead from old age. And please, drop the threats, they're quite ironic."

Maddie tilts her head for a second, thinking. One ear pokes up while the other flattens down, reflecting her head tilt.

"Anyways, what's this about a 'client'? What kind of deals do you even make, with your supposed company? Should I just call the phone number you gave me and ask there? It's probably easier to just tell me now."

"You got me: I found the Fountain of Youth."

She rolls her eyes.

"Don't bother calling the phone number—it rings directly to me. I don't have the luxury of competent secretaries, remarkably. No, I'll just explain my business myself. I could even break a deal with you, free of charge—like, really free of charge, since you're so invested. So, tell me, stranger: Is there anything you want more than anything else but just can't seem to ever have? I can help you reach that goal. I'm not shitting you, either."

They enter into the office building's front lobby. Mania lets go of Maddie, sits on a nearby chair, and holds her forehead and winces for a searing headache.

"Hmmm... what do I really want right now? Well... could you please pat my head? Just pet me a bit like a cat? I really enjoy that and I haven't had the chance to get some pats in a while."

Maddie looks at Mania with an adorable pleading expression, her ears flattened down like a kitten begging for a treat.

"I think that would be a good deal. I get my head patted, and you get to pat my head."

Mania waits for Maddie to make a real request, but the real request never arrives. She would just leave into an elevator on the spot, never to be seen by Maddie again, but it would be better to terminate this loose end that is this cat girl.

So, frustrated, Mania removes a black binder from her purse and a red ballpoint pen. She hastily writes something on a piece of weathered parchment paper, and she then holds out the pen and parchment for Maddie to take.

Some of the words on this contract are eloquently written in cursive—the agreement that Maddie should get her head patted by Mania and where it says to sign on the dotted line. Most of the contract, however, is a much smaller font that is hard to read clearly. The fine print changes and distorts anytime Maddie looks away or blinks.

"Whatever... My business is that clients can sign my contracts and I then will help them achieve their goals. Sign, 'Child'."

Maddie carefully peers at the page, reading the fine print. It's unclear whether she's even noticed that the text is shifting, and even if she has, it doesn't seem to bother her. After finishing reading over it, she nods at the woman, and simply signs "Maddie" at the bottom.

"Yeah, that looks about right. My headpat now, if you will?"

Maddie's tail wags with anticipation as she hands the parchment back to the woman, seemingly undisturbed by the contents of the fine print.

Mania crumbles the contract up into a ball and throws it on the ground. She puts the pen in her purse, though. She keeps losing those things, so they're worth their weight in uranium isotopes.

"You really are an idiot, Maddie, for signing my contract after threatening me."

She laughs, and she pets the cat girl on her head to the cat girl's perfect preference. It's the best head pat of all time, with even some scratches behind the ears... For a mortal, it'd be the start of a downward spiral, as the dark arcane forces of hell itself would make the mortal hopelessly obsessed with recapturing that fleeting, immaculate sensation and spend all their time and resources fruitlessly chasing it until their negligence renders them to a slow, inevitable death...

Maddie closes her eyes at the touch, calmly enjoying the pats. Her ears twitch at the scritches, and she even purrs softly as Mania's gentle touch hits all the right spots.

After the patting is finished, Maddie opens her eyes, and looks at Mania.

"Thank you for that. That was quite satisfying. You are pretty good at following through on your contracts! I might be interested in further dealings, that was enjoyable."

Mania frowns at Maddie's answer. She glances at the crumpled contract, and she stiffens up. She stands up and grabs Maddie again, only to shove her onto the floor, too. Mania's contracts have barely ever failed on a client before. There had to be a horrific reason for it this time.

"Aren't you going to beg me for more? Where's your damn enthusiasm?—What the hell are you? Just go fuck yourself!"

She storms off to the elevator in the lobby. As soon as she enters it, the wall and floor become this kind of cheap, stained, and red wallpaper and carpet. And she presses the elevator button to go down several times.

Maddie gently pats the woman's head, the same way she had her own head patted moments ago. She's inexplicably standing in the elevator behind Mania, waiting for her to turn around after pressing the buttons.

"You really think you'd be able to avoid answering me that easily? Come on, I'm really not trying to cause that much trouble. I just wanted you to answer my questions. What are you? And what was up with me 'begging for more'? It was just a headpat. I like 'em, but they're not addicting or anything."

Mania grabs Maddie's arms and intends to rip them off despite not being the kind of demon particularly talented at ripping limbs off torsos.

The elevator doors close, and the elevator descends deeper and deeper. It's too humid and all too warm before long. And Mania jumps, and her feet land on the ceiling. She stands on the ceiling as if it is the floor, and it becomes clear why as soon as the elevator doors open again.

They've departed into the narrow hallway of an inverted office floor, complete with some accompanying inverted cubicles, furniture, and decorations.

A big, cracked glass window shows a mostly dark, rocky, and desolate place with warm magma pouring from the ceiling in places.

Mania pulls away from Maddie, staring at her as she walks backwards, on the ceiling, into a cubicle. Only the fax machine makes noise for a while.

"You've really given me no option, you asshole... I'm Mania. The CEO of Hell. Now it's your turn. Tell me what you are."

"Hm. Well, now that you've answered my questions, and I know what you are. I'll uphold what I said. I'm an angel."

As Maddie says this final word, her halo and wings reappear in a flash of golden light, and she floats up, not touching the floor or ceiling of the bizarre structure.

"I'm here to meet you, because you're the one who created me."

"That's... Impossible."

A slurry of emotions pepper the demon, most of which have been absent for at least years. She rips the stapler from its glue on the desk and tosses it down at Maddie.

"You're lying! I'm a fucking demon, there are no angels for me! There never has been, never will be, you fucking liar. And the audacity to suggest I've somehow made you—gave creation to you, made you real?"

She screams out at her, and she throws her purse at her too.

The stapler harmlessly bounces off of Maddie, and she simply gives Mania a disappointed look. She realizes that Mania may be a bit of a challenge to save.

"Please, calm down. I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to end your eternal torment. It's not going to end today. Or this year. But I will save you, as is my duty. Don't you want to be free?"

Maddie gives her a pleading look, trying to reason with the panicked demon.

"Bullshit!" She continues. Her voice is this awful, rashy thing when it raises like this. "If you can free me, just do it already, bitch. Kill me once and for all or get out of my sight!"

A comically short demon peeks his head in from a neighboring cubicle, although his sense of gravity is the same as Maddie's and he seems confused and excited. Two more of these demons, very similar in their naked appearance, then also float in from a nearby hallway.

One says, "How the fuck is an angel here?" Another follows, "I thought those were dead too." And the last says, "I hear they explode into guts if they stay here too long!"

Maddie is momentarily distracted by the arrival of the imps, and her eyes light up.

"Oh my god if you aren't the most adorable little hellspawn I've ever seen!"

Maddie turns to Mania, her head tilted.

"You didn't tell me your employees were this cute! I'm going to have to come down here more often. Also because helping you feels like it will be... a long process."

"Imps, grab her and escort her back into the elevator. You're all ugly. Don't listen to her. She's very foolish. Frankly, she's ugly too."

She frowns and steps away from the cubicle. She stares into the angel's eyes with incredible disgust—admittedly not for her appearance, though, but for what she claims to stand for.

The imps make an embarrassing effort even after some others join in trying to shove Maddie away, so Mania resorts to simply entering a door labeled with "CEO of Hell" on a plaque.

An imp says, "I dunno, I used to shoplift a hell of a lot. I don't think I'd be here if that was cute!"

Maddie closes her eyes and breathes deeply, ignoring the imps for a moment. When she finishes, she scribbles something down on a piece of paper, then looks down at the imp.

"Oh nooo, I must run and leave now or these terrifying imps will destroy me!"

Feigning terror, she walks back to the elevator, giggling as she walks away. She boards the elevator, presses a button, and then waves goodbye to the imps as the door slides shut.